Mistakes

As this year ends and another year comes in I sit back and think about all of the mistakes that I have made in 2012. I am sitting back thinking about the opportunities that I have missed out on because of fear and uncertainty. God's word tells us all not to be afraid, as long as we have faith as a muster seed we can move mountains; but I have to be honest with myself at the end of this year (because God already knows the true) I have been fearful and doubtful and that is the main reason why I am not where I thought I would be, that's why I don't have what I thought I would have by now. By now I thought I would be back in Mississippi practicing chiropractic in my own office, I thought I would have my dream home and car, I thought I would been changing the world with my education; I thought that I would have it all by now. But I don't and the reason I don't is because I have allowed fear to come into my life; I have allowed doubt to set into my mind which causes me not to move forward. And guys that is the biggest mistake that I have ever made. Instead of me allowing faith to truly guide me, and not just pretend to, I have allowed so many blessings to pass me by, and so many open doors to close in my face because of this mistake.

So, how can I change this and learn from this mistake? That is the question that I am asking myself today. How can I not beat myself up and lose hope? How can I go into the new year with hope and a fresh attitude, when all of the past years have been filled with failed attempts to move  forward? Well, if I have learned anything from successful people, they learn from their failures and they move forward. Most successful people embrace their failures because they feel like what can they learn from their successes.

I have always desired to be a successful person; someone that other people could look up to, but this year I feel like a total failure. And this is the first time that I have been totally honest with myself. However, there is one thing I do know, successful people never give up on their dreams no matter what. But how can I ensure that this year is a successful one and not a year filled with more failure?

Well, this is my end of the year story. I know someone out there knows how I feel and I know it's someone out there that can give a word of advise. I encourage you all to look within yourself and reflect on your 2012 year. But before I end this I must say one thing, I was blessed to become a wife and mother, and that in its self is a huge success, but where I have failed is in my own personal hopes and dreams that I had for myself since I was a little girl. I know that in order for me to be a good wife and mother I must be true to myself.

I am going to continue to reflect on what I need to do to become that successful person that I desire to be and I hope you all to the same. Lets take to journey of becoming successful people together next year. Happy New Year to you all. Until next time...

Relationships: They All Take Work....

Merriam-Webster defines a relationship as the state of being related or interrelated; the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship; a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealing; and a romantic or passionate attachment. And as I have grown I have learned that a relationship is exactly how it is defined. I have learned that as I get older relationship get more complicated and few.When I was in high school I had so many friends, and I had a few guys that was interested in me. But growing up I was a shy and quiet girl, until I joined the basketball team. When I started playing basketball it seemed like more people began to notice me, and I began to form more relationships. The more new relationships that I formed the more my older relationship were tested. This was my first experience with jealousy and I am still experiencing it today at the age of 34. But at my current age it seems like the experiences are getting harder and louder, and I still don't know how to handle the situation. Maybe that is why I keep going through the same situation but with different relationships.

Grieving

The grieving process is something that never stops. It might get easier, but the process never stops. How do I know one may ask? Well, I am still grieving the death of my mother. Evia D. Spight died in 2004; week before her 61st birthday, and I am still going through the grieving process. I thought by now I would be done grieving, but it wasn't until I had my son that I realized that the process never stops. I find myself going through different phases of grief. And the phase that I am currently in now is anger. I am very angry with my mother for not fighting harder to live.

Lee's First Night In His Bed

Well, it finally happened; my baby boy is now sleeping in his crib. How did it happen and when did it happen is what everyone will find out. And I also want to talk about how emotional I was, as I thought putting him in his crib would be easy for me; but it was not.

On Tuesday September 25, 2012 I put my baby boy in his crib, thinking that this will be good for me and my husband and that it will be good for Lee. How did this happen you might ask? Well, because of an incident that happened on Monday, I decided that it was time that I put Lee in his own room. I thought that he would cry, but he didn't he just went to sleep. I also did not think that I would get emotional when I placed Lee in his crib for the first time, but I did.  Like I said, I really thought it would be easy to put him in his own room because after all it is his room and he belongs in his room. Well, I must say that moving Lee into his own room has been a good thing for me and my husband. My husband and I are closer than ever and I am very happy for that. Both of us are actually enjoying each other's company and that feels great. So many people have told me not put the baby in the bed with me and my husband, but we did it anyway. And we both learned something from doing that, that we must value each other and respect each other; we should not take each other for granted we must always continue to acknowledge each other. So, in a way by allowing Lee to sleep with us my husband an I learned that teamwork, communication, and affection are very important to a relationship. But I can say that I did enjoy the months that Lee was sleeping in the room with us. I would find myself just looking a him ad thinking that he is a miracle and I am so thankful that the Lord gave him to us.

Moving Lee into his own room was very emotional for me. I didn't think that I would want to cry, but I did. I wanted to cry because my little man is growing up and it is happening so fast. And now that Lee is sleeping in his own room, somehow it actually feels like I am a mother. I really don't know how to explain it, because on June 7, 2012 I became a mother, but something clicked when I placed my little, precious baby boy in his crib for the very first time. I also felt a little helpless when I placed him in his crib. I began to think about all of the things that could happen to him and I would not be there to protect him. And then I got scared and I almost went to get him and bring him back into the room with me, but my husband made me see that he has to grow up and that we have to let him grow up. So, I then went to look at him in his crib and he was in a deep sleep and spread out in his bed and at that moment I was okay with the decision that I made and I went back to bed.

Well, that is my story and I would have never thought that putting my baby boy in his own room was bring up so many different emotions. Maybe if; you know what, forget maybe if because I am thankful for that experience and if I had to do it all over again I would probably do it the same way. So, my advise to you first time mothers is this; do what you need to do for you and your child. Do what makes you feel comfortable no matter what other people may say; and trust me people will say. Please share your story of when you placed your child in their crib for the very first time. Until next time....

Multitasking

How shall I began? Well, I guess I would have to say that being an adult is very tiresome, but try being a woman. As I get older I find myself multitasking(trying to handle so many things at one time), and lately it has become a challenge for me. The reason that I think that it has become a challenge for me is because I am a mother now and I want to spend as much time with my son as I can. He is growing so fast and I just want to make sure that I am present in every moment of his life. Even though I want to make sure that I am present for every moment of my son's life, I also realize that I have to be a role model for him. That means that I have to find time to make my dreams come true, take care of myself, take care of my house, and make sure that I am a wife to my husband. On top of all that I listed I still have to work and be Lee's mom, multitask.

While I am trying to be everything to everybody, and do what I have been called to do, I feel guilty because it takes time away from Lee. But I know that everything that I am doing I am doing to better Lee's life. So, I guess I better learn how to be a better multitasker because Lee deserves to have the very best.

I guess what I am trying to say is that all women are multitaskers; we all have to make sure that we leave something for our children's children. But I have noticed that when you multitask you don't put all of your energy into the tasks, but you need all of your energy for your family. So, my question is how will I get it done and make sure that my family does not suffer but they thrive? How can I do and be everything that I need to do and be? How? Well, for right now I have to multitask, but I must fine a way to do better, because my family deserves better. My family deserves the best of me, my child deserves the best of me.



Becoming a wife

So, my question to all women (mother or not) is how can we do it and not lose ourselves? How is the question. Let me know that you think, and if you have any advice pleas share that too. Until next time...

Being a mom

Going Back To Work

Well, my little man is now 2 months old, almost 3 months, and I have gone back to work. And I must say that it was the hardest thing in the world for me to do. But I would have never thought it would be hard. To be honest, I thought that it would be easy. Okay, I just had a baby and now I it time for me to go back to work. But when I am at work I find myself thinking about my little man. When I actually have to leave the house, I look at my little man and I feel so bad; I feel like he is mad at me because I am leaving him. When I leave him I am almost in tears; and then I think about my mother and how strong she had to be for me and my sister when she was raising us and that seems to clam me down.

I know that I have to work, plus I want to work; but leaving my baby is hard. Even when I go to the store I feel guilty because I should be at home with my child making sure he is okay. So, this is a time I really need my mother for some advice on how to deal with what I am feeling. I know he is okay when I leave because I leave him with his father, but I still feel bad. I feel like I am going to miss something, and that he might not remember me when I come back. But what's so amazing to me is that when I do come back Lee smiles so big and he snuggles up under me and everything is right in my world. This love, this love, is so incredible and emotional, but it is worth it.

I want to give props to my mother and every working mother out there, because even though you know what you are doing is the right thing for your child, it is also the hardest thing to do. If anyone has any advice on how I can handle my emotion please feel free to share. Maybe with time it will get easier, but so far it has gotten any easier. Until next time......

A Mother's Love

I remember my mother telling me that no one will ever love me like she loves me, and that never made sense to me until I had me own child. A mother's love is unexplainable, but I can say that it is an example of how God loves His children. When I look at my child I want to give him the world, I want to be the person he looks up to, and I want to be the person that he can come talk to about any and everything. Before I had Lee I only thought about myself. I only thought about what I could do to better myself or how could I get the latest whatever for myself. Now, I think how can I get Lee what he needs, and what can I do to make sure he has what he wants. All of my hopes, dreams, and desires have Lee in them. So, that means that what I do I do for my family. I know some people might ask, what about your husband, Lee's father, do you love him still? And my answer would be yes, I love my husband very much. But the love I have for my husband and child are so different. But there is one thing about my love for my husband and child is the same, I want them to have, do, and be the best they can be. 

So, I go back to my first statement of my blog; no one will ever love me like my mother loves me; and now I get it. Because no one will ever love my son the way I love my son. A mother's love is strong and hard. A mother's love is deep and wide. A mother's love is true and unconditional. A mother's love is pure and bright. A mother's love is something that you won't understand until you become a mother.

I would like to hear what you think about a mother's love. Below you will find some pictures of my little man. Until next time.....

Lee's Day Out

Well, Lee got a chance to go out and see the world and I was so excited. Lee, baby Lee, and me went out for a walk in the park. I was so happy that we were going out as a family. I was also just happy to get out of the house. Both Lee and I have been in the house since he got home, so I was very happy to get out of the house. I also was excited to show Lee another part of the world, because he has seen his home and his room, I wanted him to see something else. While we were walking through the park I thought to myself, how lucky am I. God has truly blessed me with a beautiful family and I good assignment that allowed me to take time off to be with my baby. I must admit that went I found out that I was pregnant I thought about all of the things that I didn't get a chance to finish, and how having a baby was going to slow me down in my career. But while I was walking, I looked at my family and I realized that having a family is a blessing from God. God gave me this family because He believes that I can take care of them, as well as take care of my other responsibilities that He has given me. I must also admit that I was so scared of what was to come, because I really did not know what was coming, but God has made a way for this family. And during our family walk I realized all of this. God is good all the time, and He is the one that make every dream possible. I love my family and I am so happy that God gave them to me. I pray everyday for the wisdom to take care of this family as well as my other responsibilities.

We took some pictures of our family adventure, so please take a look and let me know what you think.

Well, that's my story thus far. I would like to hear yours. Tell me how having a baby has changed your life and give me a heads-up on what I can except in the future. Until next time..... 

Postpartum Changes

By now everyone knows that I have had a baby and that my baby is a month old. By now everyone has been made aware of how my labor went and how I handle it. I have received praise and congratulation from everyone. Now, I want to tell you all how having a baby has changed me.

1 Month Old: July 7, 2012

Ready to go to Granddad's House



Sitting Up Like a Big Boy...



Still Waiting to Leave

On July 7, 2012 Lee Arthur Smith, V was 1 month old, and his father and I were so excited about this milestone. Little man has began to smile a little, and make different facial expressions, and he has started to make different type of noises that just cracks me up. He has gotten bigger, heavier, and longer; but that just means that there is more for us to love. He has started trying to hold his head up and he loves to sit up like a big boy. He has changed so much and I am so happy that I have the chance to see him grow. He has gotten darker, and some of his features have started coming in. His personality is still forming, but one thing is for sure; he does not like anyone touching his hands and I think it is so cute. He is a little fighter, and he knows what he does and does not like. He is amazing and I am just in aw of him everyday.

I am looking forward to see how he grows in the months to come, and of course I will keep you guys updated. Until next time....

My Truth About Breast Feeding

Breast feeding is the nature way of feeding your child, and many women don't get the opportunity to breast feed their child. I was so fortunate that I was able to breast feed my son, and I must say I enjoyed every minute of it. But I must say that I did not know how frustrating it can be when you are starting to breast feed; and no one told me that it would be so frustrating. This is my truth about breast feeding from the beginning to the end.

3 Weeks Old

Well, by now I am sure that you guys know that I had my first child on June 7th. And I must say having a baby is hard, but what is a little more difficult is getting use to having a baby in the house. Trust me when I say that everything changes. I love the time that I get to sleep, and that has changed dramaticaly. Now, I am sleeping for 2 to 3 hours throughout the day; and I am use to sleeping for 9 hours straight before I get up to do anything. I had more time to do stuff that I needed to do, or shall I say I had more energy to do those things. It was all about my husband before the Little Man came, now I am more focused on the needs of my baby. But the biggest thing that I can say has changed in the house is the amount of sleep that both my husband and myself are getting. But this blog is not a story about how my life has changed with a new baby in the house; it's really about how Lee Arthur Smith, V has grown and changed in the 3 weeks that he has  been in this world. Yeah, our world has changed quickly in 3 weeks but Lee has changed also. Lee is bigger than he was when he came home. He is more aware of his surroundings. He is becoming a little more comfortable and he is able to kind of shooth himself.

As parents, we are learning his little coos, and what cry means what. All of this has happen in 3 short weeks. It is amazing to me how quickly everybody is growing and learning. What's even more amazing is how fast Lee has grown and changed in 3 weeks. It's also amazing to me how much I love this little boy. See below for pictures of Lee Arthur Smith, V and see for yourself hpw he changed.

                                                    Lee coming home from the hospital

                                                      2 days old-June 9, 2012

3 weeks old

3 weeks old

3 weeks old

3 weeks old-Just took a bath and I am sooo tried.....

So this is my little man, and he is now 3 weeks old. He has grown and chnaged so much I wish I could just stop time because I want him to stay this way forever. But I know that he must grow up, so that is why I will enjoy every moment that I get to spend with him while he is still my little man. Tell me what you think or share your own personal stories about your little one. Until next time.......

Our 1 Year Anniversary

Last year around this time Lee and myself went to the courthouse in Rolling Meadows and vowed to be true to each other until death do us part; in the spiritual realm we became one flesh. That was a very happy day because two families joined to make one family.This day will always be a very special day because this was the day that my mother was born; my best friend came into this world. Today marks the end of our (Lee and myself) first year as husband in wife.

So, today I am reflecting on this year as so many things have happened in this year and I have changed in so many ways. I realized that in order for me to get what God has for me I have to stop waiting around for the perfect time to do stuff and just do it. I have always made excuses of why I could not do something; either I haven't studied enough or I did not have the money, so I would tell myself that I should wait to take my board exams. Now I am finding myself falling behind, but my dream is still burning bright and strong and I must find a way to get to where God desires me to be. I realized that marriage is hard work. I don't have any role models to go to when it comes to marriage, so I have found myself saying some stuff to my husband that I shouldn't say and it always caused more confusion between my husband and I. However, when I go to the word of God I always seem to find the solution to the problem. Within this year of marriage I became a mother. Pregnancy was a journey all in itself that I wasn't mentally ready for, but I had to get ready. I was always told not to get pregnant, so when it happened I was very upset and I just knew that my family would be disappointed in my because I hadn't finish what I started. I must say that I was a little disappointed in myself because I hadn't finished what I started, and now I was pregnant. But motherhood is another story and I will discuss that more in another blog. I also realized that I must accept my husband for who he is and know that I am here to help him be and do better, not change him into the man that I think he should be. And I have found that acceptance is something that is hard to do, because there is always something that you may see in that person that you don't like and you want to change it.

Like I stated, marriage is hard work but I am very happy that I am married to Lee. We may not have natural role models concerning marriage, but when we look to God and allow him to lead, all of our problems/concerns will be solved. Communication is also very important. We have to make sure that we communicate with God and each other. And we have to make sure that we make time for each other because quality time is very important. We are still growing and changing so it is very important that we stay connected. So, happy 1 year anniversary to Lee and I pray for many more anniversaries.

That's my story I would like to hear yours. Share your story with me or if you have some advise I am all ears. Until next time......   

Chapter 2: Starting A Family Continues

Well, I am back after 3 weeks and I have great news; I had the baby. Lee Arthur Smith,V was born on June 7, 2012 at 6:30pm. His arrival into this world was something else, and I must say that giving birth was the 2nd hardest thing I ever had to do. The first hardest thing that I ever had to do was say good bye to my mother. She was my best friend and I really wish she was here now. So, let me tell you the story of how my little man came into this world.

The journey started on Wednesday, June 6, 2012 at 8pm. This was the date that my midwife, my husband and I decided to induce my labor. I was so nervous and scared because I had no idea of what was about to happen. All I knew is what other people told me. I was told that getting induced is more painful than actually allowing labor to start on it's own. But I had other things to think about, and so my husband and I decided that we made the best decision for the situation that we where in. Around 11pm the induction process began and 2 to 3 hours later I was in labor. I was hooked up to the fetal monitor and another monitor that monitored my contractions. Everything was going good, and my contractions were coming very often and they were very strong. My midwife was very excited because she thought it would take longer for the medicine to cause a reaction. My husband was there, and I know that I could not have made it through the whole process without him. I thank God everyday for him. I was in labor for 14 hours and I had on dilated 5cm. My midwife was very concerned because they broke my water and at this point time was very important. The bag that the baby was in was protecting him from infections and because they had to constantly check me to see how I was progressing the midwife was ver concerned about my baby's health. So, now we had a decision to make and my husband and I decided that maybe it was time that I had a C-Section.

My midwife wanted to wait another hour, but I was done and I was so ready to have my baby in my arms. So, she made sure that I really wanted to have the surgery and I was sure. She called in the medical doctor to perform the surgery, and she told me that it would take awhile for the MD to get to the hosppital. I was scared and a little sad because I wanted to have my baby vaginally. But before I when into the hospital I told myself not to get stuck on trying to do everything naturally because I am a chiropractor, or because that is what a lot of older women say that I should have the baby naturally. I went through with the surgery and at 6:30pm on June 7, 2012 my little man was born and I can't explain the feeling that I felt. Every woman that I have spoken to about having a baby all say the same thing, the pain and the hard work is worth it. And they were all right, it was worth it, but I don't think that I want to do it again.

I am so in love with my little man and now I know how much God loves me. I never thought that I could love another person the way that I love him. He is so little and helpless and I just want to give him everything and protect him for everything. I find myself just looking at him and tears are coming down my face. I want him to do so much better than me, but in order to make sure he has that drive I have to show him. Because it is true when they say kids do what they see you do not what you say. I just pray that my husband and I are good parents and that we show him how to be a good citizen and a strong, educated man.

Well, that's my story of how my family was started. Now, I am on a new journey and I am so happy to share it with you all. Until next time......

Chapter 2: Starting A Family

Hey guys, long time no hear from. So, let me give you guys a quick update on what has been going on with my pregnancy. I am now 40 weeks pregnant and my due date is May 29, 2012. From all of the documentation that I have been given to read by my midwife, I am currently going through pre-labor. Some with ask what is pre-labor, and I would say that is a great question.So, let me tell you what pre-labor is. Pre-labor is the time period when your body is preparing to go through labor. So, I have been experiencing the following symptoms: cramping (cramping that feels like my cycle wants to come on), my vagina is sore, my stomach gets tight/hard, and I am use the bathroom a lot. Those are some of the physical changes that I am going through. Mentally I am nervous, excited, feeling like I am ready for the baby to come but not ready for the baby to come, tried of being tried, and tried of being pregnant. I am feeling like this will never end, but I am ready for it to end, but I am scared for it to come to an end because of the what I have heard about labor.

So, now I am just waiting on my baby to come into this world. And while I am waiting for my baby to come, I am trying to mentally prepare myself for what I was made to do. I must admit that when I first found out that I was pregnant I was sad because I thought that I would not be able to do the things that I planned on doing with my life. But because I have been praying and reading the word of God, I know that God will give me the desires of my heart and that having this baby is part of my purpose here on earth. I am realizing that I will be able to I can do all things through God that strengthens me. It may be hard, but it will be worth it in the end. I was put on this earth to subdue it, replenish it, and take dominion of it; and with God's grace it will be done.

Well, that's my story for now and if you guys have something you want share please do. Until next time.

                                                                  The Baby's Room.....

Chapter 2: Starting A Family Continues

Well, I am back with another part of my story. If you have been following me so far then you know I am about the have my first baby. I am now 34 weeks pregnant and I am now going to the doctor's office every 2 weeks. I got to my 3rd trimester really fast, and now it feels like it is slowing down. But in away I am happy about it slowing down and let me tell you why. My husband and I have attended the hospital orientation and the birthing class, and both of those events further tells me that this baby is coming and his or her arrival is right around the corner. Both my husband and myself start getting a little scared. Viewing the birthing room made it so very real, and I have start to wonder if I can really do this. Can I give birth to my first child naturally? The birthing class gave me a lot of information that will be very useful, but I am still wondering if I can give birth to my first child naturally.

Now I have even more questions about labor and giving birth. Like, will I be able to get my body back, or will I still be able to pursue my dreams and rise my child? How will labor really fell and I will I act during labor? I wonder how will my husband and I act with the baby? I have so many questions and concerns, so many what ifs, but the only way that my questions will be answered is by having a beautiful, health baby.

I am so excited about meeting my first child; getting to know his or her personality. Seeing who he or she takes after. Yet, more questions. If you think you can help answer some of these questions, please feel free to chime in. Until next time.......

Chapter 2: Starting A Family Continues

So, how should I begin? Well, I will start by saying that I am now 27 weeks pregenant and my little one has been moving around a lot; and I must say I am sooooo happy to feel  the movement. Also, I have noticed that what I used to eat I don't like anymore so I can't eat it. And if you know me you know that I eat very weird but now I am eating very normal. Pregnancy is really life changing, and the stuff they show on television is so far off. Pregnancy is not an easy event that women go through and at the end of 9 months a baby comes out; there are so many little things that change on a woman. For example, did you know that while pregnant some women get nose bleeds and that is because of the extra blood that the woman is prodcuing for the baby. That is something that is not shown or discussed on tv. And how about the hip pain and the minor cramping that happens because of the growing baby. Or how about how hard it is to put your clothes and shoes on every day. These are just some of the little annoyances that comes with pregnancy and that women don't really disucss.

However, on the upside, I have the chance to bring another person into this world. I have the opportunity to feel something growing inside of me. I talk to my baby all the time, and I try to imgine what my baby looks like, and who will the baby act most like. I am also still trying tho focus on my dreams too. I am still planning on doing all the things that the Lord has called me to do; but now I will have another side kick with me (my baby).

Well, that's all I have for today. I am very blessed to have the opportunitiy to become a mom. I must admit I am a little nervous about because being a parent is a hugh responsiblity. So, if you guys have any advice I am all ears. Until next time........