Grieving

The grieving process is something that never stops. It might get easier, but the process never stops. How do I know one may ask? Well, I am still grieving the death of my mother. Evia D. Spight died in 2004; week before her 61st birthday, and I am still going through the grieving process. I thought by now I would be done grieving, but it wasn't until I had my son that I realized that the process never stops. I find myself going through different phases of grief. And the phase that I am currently in now is anger. I am very angry with my mother for not fighting harder to live.

Lee's First Night In His Bed

Well, it finally happened; my baby boy is now sleeping in his crib. How did it happen and when did it happen is what everyone will find out. And I also want to talk about how emotional I was, as I thought putting him in his crib would be easy for me; but it was not.

On Tuesday September 25, 2012 I put my baby boy in his crib, thinking that this will be good for me and my husband and that it will be good for Lee. How did this happen you might ask? Well, because of an incident that happened on Monday, I decided that it was time that I put Lee in his own room. I thought that he would cry, but he didn't he just went to sleep. I also did not think that I would get emotional when I placed Lee in his crib for the first time, but I did.  Like I said, I really thought it would be easy to put him in his own room because after all it is his room and he belongs in his room. Well, I must say that moving Lee into his own room has been a good thing for me and my husband. My husband and I are closer than ever and I am very happy for that. Both of us are actually enjoying each other's company and that feels great. So many people have told me not put the baby in the bed with me and my husband, but we did it anyway. And we both learned something from doing that, that we must value each other and respect each other; we should not take each other for granted we must always continue to acknowledge each other. So, in a way by allowing Lee to sleep with us my husband an I learned that teamwork, communication, and affection are very important to a relationship. But I can say that I did enjoy the months that Lee was sleeping in the room with us. I would find myself just looking a him ad thinking that he is a miracle and I am so thankful that the Lord gave him to us.

Moving Lee into his own room was very emotional for me. I didn't think that I would want to cry, but I did. I wanted to cry because my little man is growing up and it is happening so fast. And now that Lee is sleeping in his own room, somehow it actually feels like I am a mother. I really don't know how to explain it, because on June 7, 2012 I became a mother, but something clicked when I placed my little, precious baby boy in his crib for the very first time. I also felt a little helpless when I placed him in his crib. I began to think about all of the things that could happen to him and I would not be there to protect him. And then I got scared and I almost went to get him and bring him back into the room with me, but my husband made me see that he has to grow up and that we have to let him grow up. So, I then went to look at him in his crib and he was in a deep sleep and spread out in his bed and at that moment I was okay with the decision that I made and I went back to bed.

Well, that is my story and I would have never thought that putting my baby boy in his own room was bring up so many different emotions. Maybe if; you know what, forget maybe if because I am thankful for that experience and if I had to do it all over again I would probably do it the same way. So, my advise to you first time mothers is this; do what you need to do for you and your child. Do what makes you feel comfortable no matter what other people may say; and trust me people will say. Please share your story of when you placed your child in their crib for the very first time. Until next time....

Multitasking

How shall I began? Well, I guess I would have to say that being an adult is very tiresome, but try being a woman. As I get older I find myself multitasking(trying to handle so many things at one time), and lately it has become a challenge for me. The reason that I think that it has become a challenge for me is because I am a mother now and I want to spend as much time with my son as I can. He is growing so fast and I just want to make sure that I am present in every moment of his life. Even though I want to make sure that I am present for every moment of my son's life, I also realize that I have to be a role model for him. That means that I have to find time to make my dreams come true, take care of myself, take care of my house, and make sure that I am a wife to my husband. On top of all that I listed I still have to work and be Lee's mom, multitask.

While I am trying to be everything to everybody, and do what I have been called to do, I feel guilty because it takes time away from Lee. But I know that everything that I am doing I am doing to better Lee's life. So, I guess I better learn how to be a better multitasker because Lee deserves to have the very best.

I guess what I am trying to say is that all women are multitaskers; we all have to make sure that we leave something for our children's children. But I have noticed that when you multitask you don't put all of your energy into the tasks, but you need all of your energy for your family. So, my question is how will I get it done and make sure that my family does not suffer but they thrive? How can I do and be everything that I need to do and be? How? Well, for right now I have to multitask, but I must fine a way to do better, because my family deserves better. My family deserves the best of me, my child deserves the best of me.



Becoming a wife

So, my question to all women (mother or not) is how can we do it and not lose ourselves? How is the question. Let me know that you think, and if you have any advice pleas share that too. Until next time...

Being a mom

Going Back To Work

Well, my little man is now 2 months old, almost 3 months, and I have gone back to work. And I must say that it was the hardest thing in the world for me to do. But I would have never thought it would be hard. To be honest, I thought that it would be easy. Okay, I just had a baby and now I it time for me to go back to work. But when I am at work I find myself thinking about my little man. When I actually have to leave the house, I look at my little man and I feel so bad; I feel like he is mad at me because I am leaving him. When I leave him I am almost in tears; and then I think about my mother and how strong she had to be for me and my sister when she was raising us and that seems to clam me down.

I know that I have to work, plus I want to work; but leaving my baby is hard. Even when I go to the store I feel guilty because I should be at home with my child making sure he is okay. So, this is a time I really need my mother for some advice on how to deal with what I am feeling. I know he is okay when I leave because I leave him with his father, but I still feel bad. I feel like I am going to miss something, and that he might not remember me when I come back. But what's so amazing to me is that when I do come back Lee smiles so big and he snuggles up under me and everything is right in my world. This love, this love, is so incredible and emotional, but it is worth it.

I want to give props to my mother and every working mother out there, because even though you know what you are doing is the right thing for your child, it is also the hardest thing to do. If anyone has any advice on how I can handle my emotion please feel free to share. Maybe with time it will get easier, but so far it has gotten any easier. Until next time......