Mistakes

As this year ends and another year comes in I sit back and think about all of the mistakes that I have made in 2012. I am sitting back thinking about the opportunities that I have missed out on because of fear and uncertainty. God's word tells us all not to be afraid, as long as we have faith as a muster seed we can move mountains; but I have to be honest with myself at the end of this year (because God already knows the true) I have been fearful and doubtful and that is the main reason why I am not where I thought I would be, that's why I don't have what I thought I would have by now. By now I thought I would be back in Mississippi practicing chiropractic in my own office, I thought I would have my dream home and car, I thought I would been changing the world with my education; I thought that I would have it all by now. But I don't and the reason I don't is because I have allowed fear to come into my life; I have allowed doubt to set into my mind which causes me not to move forward. And guys that is the biggest mistake that I have ever made. Instead of me allowing faith to truly guide me, and not just pretend to, I have allowed so many blessings to pass me by, and so many open doors to close in my face because of this mistake.

So, how can I change this and learn from this mistake? That is the question that I am asking myself today. How can I not beat myself up and lose hope? How can I go into the new year with hope and a fresh attitude, when all of the past years have been filled with failed attempts to move  forward? Well, if I have learned anything from successful people, they learn from their failures and they move forward. Most successful people embrace their failures because they feel like what can they learn from their successes.

I have always desired to be a successful person; someone that other people could look up to, but this year I feel like a total failure. And this is the first time that I have been totally honest with myself. However, there is one thing I do know, successful people never give up on their dreams no matter what. But how can I ensure that this year is a successful one and not a year filled with more failure?

Well, this is my end of the year story. I know someone out there knows how I feel and I know it's someone out there that can give a word of advise. I encourage you all to look within yourself and reflect on your 2012 year. But before I end this I must say one thing, I was blessed to become a wife and mother, and that in its self is a huge success, but where I have failed is in my own personal hopes and dreams that I had for myself since I was a little girl. I know that in order for me to be a good wife and mother I must be true to myself.

I am going to continue to reflect on what I need to do to become that successful person that I desire to be and I hope you all to the same. Lets take to journey of becoming successful people together next year. Happy New Year to you all. Until next time...

Relationships: They All Take Work....

Merriam-Webster defines a relationship as the state of being related or interrelated; the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship; a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealing; and a romantic or passionate attachment. And as I have grown I have learned that a relationship is exactly how it is defined. I have learned that as I get older relationship get more complicated and few.When I was in high school I had so many friends, and I had a few guys that was interested in me. But growing up I was a shy and quiet girl, until I joined the basketball team. When I started playing basketball it seemed like more people began to notice me, and I began to form more relationships. The more new relationships that I formed the more my older relationship were tested. This was my first experience with jealousy and I am still experiencing it today at the age of 34. But at my current age it seems like the experiences are getting harder and louder, and I still don't know how to handle the situation. Maybe that is why I keep going through the same situation but with different relationships.

Grieving

The grieving process is something that never stops. It might get easier, but the process never stops. How do I know one may ask? Well, I am still grieving the death of my mother. Evia D. Spight died in 2004; week before her 61st birthday, and I am still going through the grieving process. I thought by now I would be done grieving, but it wasn't until I had my son that I realized that the process never stops. I find myself going through different phases of grief. And the phase that I am currently in now is anger. I am very angry with my mother for not fighting harder to live.

Lee's First Night In His Bed

Well, it finally happened; my baby boy is now sleeping in his crib. How did it happen and when did it happen is what everyone will find out. And I also want to talk about how emotional I was, as I thought putting him in his crib would be easy for me; but it was not.

On Tuesday September 25, 2012 I put my baby boy in his crib, thinking that this will be good for me and my husband and that it will be good for Lee. How did this happen you might ask? Well, because of an incident that happened on Monday, I decided that it was time that I put Lee in his own room. I thought that he would cry, but he didn't he just went to sleep. I also did not think that I would get emotional when I placed Lee in his crib for the first time, but I did.  Like I said, I really thought it would be easy to put him in his own room because after all it is his room and he belongs in his room. Well, I must say that moving Lee into his own room has been a good thing for me and my husband. My husband and I are closer than ever and I am very happy for that. Both of us are actually enjoying each other's company and that feels great. So many people have told me not put the baby in the bed with me and my husband, but we did it anyway. And we both learned something from doing that, that we must value each other and respect each other; we should not take each other for granted we must always continue to acknowledge each other. So, in a way by allowing Lee to sleep with us my husband an I learned that teamwork, communication, and affection are very important to a relationship. But I can say that I did enjoy the months that Lee was sleeping in the room with us. I would find myself just looking a him ad thinking that he is a miracle and I am so thankful that the Lord gave him to us.

Moving Lee into his own room was very emotional for me. I didn't think that I would want to cry, but I did. I wanted to cry because my little man is growing up and it is happening so fast. And now that Lee is sleeping in his own room, somehow it actually feels like I am a mother. I really don't know how to explain it, because on June 7, 2012 I became a mother, but something clicked when I placed my little, precious baby boy in his crib for the very first time. I also felt a little helpless when I placed him in his crib. I began to think about all of the things that could happen to him and I would not be there to protect him. And then I got scared and I almost went to get him and bring him back into the room with me, but my husband made me see that he has to grow up and that we have to let him grow up. So, I then went to look at him in his crib and he was in a deep sleep and spread out in his bed and at that moment I was okay with the decision that I made and I went back to bed.

Well, that is my story and I would have never thought that putting my baby boy in his own room was bring up so many different emotions. Maybe if; you know what, forget maybe if because I am thankful for that experience and if I had to do it all over again I would probably do it the same way. So, my advise to you first time mothers is this; do what you need to do for you and your child. Do what makes you feel comfortable no matter what other people may say; and trust me people will say. Please share your story of when you placed your child in their crib for the very first time. Until next time....